Reviewed by: The Goose
Friday, April 30, 1999

Yet again I have decided to turn away from the safe secure world of adult fiction to the untamed wilds of Juvenile monkey Fiction. The Book of Three is the introductory novel into the land of Prydain. Alexander takes the myths of the Welsh and weaves them with his own creations to create a richly textured land of yore.

There is no fancy iconography or complex themes to this story. It is a basic story of good, evil, sorcerers and swords, warriors and assistant pig-keepers. Oh yeah, of course there is a princess!

Taran lives on a farm called Caer Dallben with Coll, Dallben, and an oracular pig named Hen Wen. Dalben is a Seer, or Sorcerer, or Wise Man – Taran cannot decide. Coll is the big, jolly guy who is the farm’s handyman. Hen Wen is just a happy pig as far as Taran can tell. Nothing ever happens at Caer Dalben.Taran wishes for adventure.

And one day it happens. Hen Wen freaks out and escapes her pen. Taran chases off after her into the forest and then you have to read the rest! Along the way he meets Gwydion, prince of the House of Don, Eilonwy – Princess of the House of Llyr, Fflweddur Fflam – errant bard with a penchant for prevarication, and The Horned King (not a good guy).

This story is A LOT of fun, especially for the juvenile monkey just getting started with books without pictures. For the older monkey revisiting this enchanted tale it is still a good read. The symbolism may appear heavy-handed and the language simple (minus all the Welsh vocab) but the story will still grip you. The characters are enjoining if a little sketchy.

And the Saga continues! Like the Chronicles of Narnia, there are several books in this story that follow Taran through more adventures and through puberty!

It is a must read for the young monkey.

Paperback Reissue edition (January 12, 1999) Yearling Books; ISBN: 0440407028; Dimensions (in inches): 0.60 x 7.61 x 5.10

Reviewed by: Slappy
“I don’t have pet peeves like some people, I have whole kernels of irritation … ”

And does Whoopi deliver on this promise? Absolutely.

I have always thought Whoopi Goldberg was funny. Actually, I’ve found her quite hee-hawingly funny. However, reading this book (I picked it up at a grocery store one night on a wild hair) has given me a better insight into what Ms. Goldberg is all about. She could care less if she is wealthy. She could care less if she is famous. All Whoopi seems to care about is making people laugh and forget their lives for a minute or two and join her in her comic ramblings.

Containing chapters titled Fate, Trust, Head, Wind (which is about bodily gas functions), Sex and Love to name a few, Book held my attention as no other auto-biographical or auto-authoritative book has. I actually had to put it down and wipe my eyes in a couple of sections from laughing too hard. Her take on politics, sexual freedom (read the book … I’ll bet some of you girls will be jealous of her body twisting ability) and being reared and raising children are personal and likeable and just damn funny.

Don’t go in to Book expecting some intelligent and witty banter on the effects of Hollywood on the young black woman. You will not find such pedantic babble in Book. However, go in to Book expecting to hear lines like “Honey, cat farts are so powerful they bleach wood … “.

Ms. Goldberg, thank you for this, your look at life and your witticisms regarding it.

Mass Market Paperback – 286 pages (October 1998) Avon; ISBN: 0380729792; Dimensions (in inches): 0.93 x 6.88 x 4.29

Reviewed by: The Goose

Today, we are going to visit the works of Isaac Asimov–Father of modern Science Fiction. Most neophytes and dilettantes know him only for his Foundation series. The fact is that he was one of the most prolific writers of the modern era. I don’t have the exact numbers but it’s a lot. Dear old Isaac wrote about everything from science fiction to religion. He wrote about chemistry and biology and physics.

Asimov’s Science Fiction is not profound like Herbert or Dick. It is more driven by character interaction and plot. In a lot of cases his stories are intrigue and detective-like in style and form. Which brings us to this review. Last week BM was mouthing about another ‘Theme Week’ or whatever. This time the topic was to be international intrigue. As in Tom Clancy and the like. Well I don’t read much in that direction, but what about interstellar intrigue, and a murder mystery all wrapped into one? THAT I can do.

Some few hundred years after the first wave of Interstellar colonization Earth is the poor, red-headed, and left-handed stepchild of it’s children–The Spacers.

Earth is infested with Cities, overgrown and enclosed metroplexes. Earthborn Humans have an engrained agoraphobia from living in their encapsulated buildings.

Spacers are humans living on the 50 planets of the colonization, the most powerful of these is Aurora–the first planet colonized. The Spacers live aseptic lives. Having no naturally occurring natural disease or microorganisms they have an irrational fear of infection, especially from Earth. They live long lives, nearly 400 years. They have a city on Earth from which they control the Earth government.

Where Spacers are increasingly dependent on robots Earth is rejecting, often times violently, their electronic counterparts.

Elijah Bailey is a detective for New York City. He is long in the face and morose in character. He is a good detective whose superiors cannot see his worth.

Then it happens! There is a murder in Space Town! Someone has killed one of their most respected scientists.

Bailey is assigned the case, and a partner. The Spacers have required that the Earth-detective take on a Spacer Partner–R.

Daneel Olivaw. Elijah’s boss and his bosses have made it clear that Bailey is NOT to mess it up. If he does not find the murderer Earth will lose a whole lot to the Spacers. Daneel is the typical Spacer, well over six-foot, blond, incredibly calm and condescending.

He is also a robot. The first humaniform robot.

So, go along with Bailey and Olivaw on some wild rides on the ‘the belts’ of NYC and out into the horrifying open. Find out who killed the Spacer Scientist, and Why! Say Je-hose-e-fat (jehosephat) to yourself a hundred times so you don’t stumble over it when you read it on the page.

Paperback Reprint edition (December 1, 1991) Bantam Spectra; ISBN: 0553293400 ; Dimensions (in inches): 0.79 x 6.84 x 4.16

Reviewed by: The Blind Monkey

Ender’s Back. And he’s so darn facinating that last week, after re-reading the Goose’s “Ender’s Game” review, I decided it was time to visit him again (Probably the 5th or 6th time I’ve read this book)!

So what keeps me coming back?? Well, there’s the interstellar politics. And the deftly described, magnificently executed twists of the plot. Or perhaps it’s the way he opens your mind and allows your simple little brain to conceive of other species in human terms. But I think it’s the fact that Card can address the most crucial of ethical and philosophical delimas, and still astound and entertain.

Xenocide finds our cast on the outmost colony of Lusitania. He’s saved the Hive Queen and helped the buggers begin the daunting task of rebuilding of their sentient race. And he’s helped billions to understand the pequininos by writing the Life of Human.

But Lusitania also harbors the devestating descolada virus. A virus that violently destroys the humans it infects, but that also enables the piggies to transform into the third life. Because of this threat, the Starways Congress has sent a fleet to use the ‘little Doctor’ to destroy Lusitania, and with it, the only two known sentient species known to man.

Xenocide will astound. It will provoke. It will beg the question – who is Ramen, and who is Varalese?

Maybe we’re the varalese. Maybe xenocide is built into the human psyche as into no other species. In Volume 4 of the Ender Quartet, Card asks if maybe the best thing that could happen for the moral good is for the descolada to get loose, spread throughout the human universe and break us down to nothing.

I highly recommend this book. Ender’s Game gave us action, and Speaker for the Dead gave us sociological exploration. But Xenocide turns a philosophical eye towards the nature of the human race and in the process, to origins of the forces that make us what we are.

It’ll make you think – I guarantee it!

The Goose Is COOKED!! 4/8/99

Well it seems as though Blind Monkey has forgotten (AHEM) a few of the most salient points in this novel. Barring some of the very fantastical and interesting theoretical physics raised. We must keep in mind two things.

FIRST: This book is the first serious journey into the mind of Ender and what he is made of.

SECOND: There are FOUR sentient species discussed here and the three already mentioned are the least interesting in this installment. I leave it to you to find the fourth and discover if I am right or wrong.

– The Goose

Mass Market Paperback Reprint edition (August 1992) Tor Books; ISBN: 0812509250 ; Dimensions (in inches): 1.34 x 6.73 x 4.24

Reviewed by: Slappy

Delighted to be free of my constant torment from the Blind Monkey’s aversion to Mass Market publications, I of course jumped at the chance to review the newest novel by Anne Rice: Vittorio the Vampire. Now, from my Top Ten List you should be aware I love her writing anyway, so, the chance to get, once again, under Blind’s skin (or fur as it is) is just like gravy for the potatoes …

Vittorio. Oh Vittorio. Beautiful young country lord raised in elegance and fortune during the time of Cosimo de’ Medici who once was the most wealthy and renowned figure in Florence during the Italian Age of Gold, what can I say about you? Your life was regal and simple; your family very respected and honored among your subjects. That is, until the night your father refused to meet an ages old bargain with an enchanting band of vampires known as the Court of the Ruby Grail. Your sister and brother, slaughtered before your eyes, very nearly while in your arms; your life and home defiled and desecrated by your tormentors, this Court of the Ruby Grail.

Yet, you are overcome with passion and desire for Ursula, the reigning Queen of this unholy Court. Your story, as you write it, is tragic and passionate, full of young love and innocence lost. And your revenge for these evils brought to you is justice at it’s core.

That is, of course, until you are brought over by Ursula …

Hardcover – 304 pages (March 16, 1999)

Reviewed by: The Blind Monkey
Saturday, March 27, 1999

Now we all know that a Grisham novel isn’t gonna change the world. As far as legal-eagle thrillers go, Grisham writes pretty puffy stuff. So I’m not here to tell you he can write a practice thriller like Richard North Patterson or Brad Meltzer… but that southern boy sure can turn a tale!

In his latest, The Testament, Grisham takes us on a jolting journey — through the cut-throat litigation of the Washington elite, to the exotic wasteland of the Brazilian swamps, to the quiet beauty of snow-covered Maine. This Monkey especially enjoyed the trip down the dangerous Brazilian Paraguay river, a place that I’ve been hoping to visit for an adventure. Now, you may not know this, but the Monkey has a German roommie that spends most of his time in Brazil, and I’ve been fantasizing about a trip to…

but I digress. Back to the story.

Testament introduces us to Troy Phelan, the 10th richest man in the world. A greedy, eccentric, self-made egotist confined to a wheelchair and (not-so) patiently planning his death. His heirs are circling like vultures, anxiously awaiting their anticipated fortunes and attacking each other in their fight for a bigger piece of the 11 Billion-dollar pie.

But when Troy plummets to his death after hastily signing a surprise handwritten holographic will, the search is on for the single heir of this massive fortune.

Enter our hero: Nate O’Reily. A streetwise high-octane Washington malpractice lawyer fresh out of rehab, nursing his wounds from his second failed marriage, and desperately trying to stay two steps ahead of the IRS. The most pathetic excuse you can imagine for a hero, Nate is sent to the Brazilian jungle to find this mystery woman and fend off the vultures before the rest of the family realizes that they don’t have a dime.

Although his legal maneuvering once again appeals to the lowest common denominator of reader intelligence, I find that this is precisely why I enjoy his novels. You know you can read it in 3 evenings or less, the characters are full of frailty and good-intentions, the plot twists are creative and entertaining, and the setting serves as the primary source of fiction. And with The Testament, Grisham finally ventures outside the sleepy south (I live in Atlanta, I can say these things) to provide a sense of adventure and escape… although he does throw in a touch of New Orleans to keep him from straying too far from his roots.

So if you’re in the mood for an easy and enjoyable read, with one or two surprises waiting in the wings, cast aside your intellectual snobbery and let Grisham entertain once again.

Hardcover – 435 pages (February 2, 1999) Doubleday; ISBN: 0385493800; Dimensions (in inches): 1.60 x 9.58 x 6.65

Reviewed by: The Blind Monkey

Well, I have not reviewed a Top Ten novel in a while and really, we are trying to get reviews done for all these books so here you go…

I think that Jennings may be just a little disturbed. Which is why I am sure that Blind Monkey loved this book. The hero (although I prefer protagonist) is so twisted and wrong that you wonder how this could happen at all, and yet it could.
Our hero’s name is Mixtli. Dark Cloud is what it means, and it is a not so subtle metaphor for the book. He’s near-sited. He’s not exactly brave. And he’s often undeniably dense. But he’ s also cunning and survives life that way with some help from the people who are drawn to him (for whatever strange reason).

He is Mexica, or Aztec, as the Spaniards prefer. He is the middle class son of a stone mason. His sister is Tzi-Tzi, or ‘the sound of ringing bells’. The story, taking place around the time that Cortez arrives in Mexico, revolves around Mixtli.. or should I say reels? It seems that Mixtli blunders from one thing to the next, whether it is heroism, tragedy, joy, or nothing, really. Throughout the story it is obvious that things are way beyond Mixtli’s control, even when he thinks they are.

He is a twisted hero just by the circumstances he is in and through the knowledge the reader is given it is obvious that Mixtli’s interpretation or view of things is often flawed, very flawed–which is one of the many ironies of the story. In all reality there is only one point in the story where I can say that Mixtli has control and is aware of the true meaning of the things going on around him.

Enough of that.

The story is framed in a series of missives from the Arch Bishop of Mexico to the King of Spain. Each new section starts of with a diatribe from the bishop to the King that belies the Bishop’s limited understanding of things which also helps to engender the Mexica, and especially Mixtli, to the reader.

In itself the story is well written and enjoyable to read. The language is clean and well paced. Jennings connects everything together rather well so that you won’t ever be left asking ‘How’d he get there from here?’ or some such thing. I promise that you won’t be bored, disgusted maybe, but not bored. And it is a great story of the fall of the Aztec Empire, personalized through the myopic eyes of Dark Cloud.

Addition from Blind Monkey:

Gary’s 10 years of research only begins to lie the foundation for the genius of this tale. There’s a reason Aztec is on my Top Ten. It’s shocking. It’s dynamic. It’s down-right awe-inspiring.

What it isn’t is a book that passes the Mom-O-Meter. If you’re the sqeamish type, or even mildly easy to offend by violence or sexual situations, then this isn’t the book for you. But if you like ADVENTURE, with rich characters thickly braided in fantastic emotional plots set in exotic settings and situations, you won’t go wrong with Mixtli’s stunning tale.

Mass Market Paperback – 1038 pages Reprint edition (August 1997) Forge; ISBN: 0812521463; Dimensions (in inches): 1.80 x 6.79 x 4.17

Reviewed by: The Goose
Saturday, February 27, 1999

Here is another review in the ‘fun’ category (No cat calls from the upper story thank you very much!) Cussler, as you may know, writes adventure stories. (And yes Blind Monkey, it does seem as though he has the unabridged OED next to his computer so that he can toss out new words when the mood strikes him).

Treasure is another Dirk Pitt adventure. So who the heck is Dirk Pitt? Dirk is an Air Force major on permanent loan to the National Underwater Marine Agency. That doesn’t answer the question! All right, take Bruce Willis at his action movie best and then mix him up with McGyver and the whole A-Team and you’ve got it.

Cussler takes extreme delight in devising impossible scenarios, plots, and goals and then putting Pitt and his buddies through the proverbial wringer to see how it comes out. Like I said it’s a lot of fun.

In Treasure Pitt saves the beautiful Secretary-General of the United Nations three times from a genius assassin, and that’s just a subplot!

The real plot starts when Pitt et al discover a Greco-Roman merchantman ship off the coast of Iceland. There’s also the mastermind, criminal brothers set on disrupting the Balance of Power in the world. Not to mention, Alexander the Great’s remains and his Golden Casket. Follow Dirk from Iceland to the States, down to Tierra Del Fuego and back again. This guy is like a Timex, he takes a lickin…

This is not for Intellectual Snobs like the Blind Monkey who will decry Cussler’s poor use of fancy words, but hey, at least he is trying. And if you don’t like a good action movie where people get beat up, shot, or flayed then it isn’t for you either. But if you are first in line to see the latest Bruce Willis action extravaganza then this book is for you.

Want to know the really funny part? These stories have all the components of what BM says constitutes a good book. Twisted antagonists, sharp plot turns, unexpected outcomes, romance, and in the end somebody gets WHACKED! I think his major complaint is that Cussler is a dilettante when it comes to word choice. He likes to throw out big fancy words even if they don’t really fit in the context of what he is writing.

If you like this and want to read more, check out my other favorites: Inca Gold, Sahara, Raise the Titanic!, and Shockwave.

Mass Market Paperback Reissue edition (November 1988) Pocket Books; ISBN: 0671704656 ; Dimensions (in inches): 0.91 x 6.71 x 4.15

Reviewed by: The Goose

In writing the first draft of this review I came to a realization and it was this: My interpretation of Dune is colored by the fact that I have read almost the entire body of Herbert’s work. I’ve read just about everything he ever wrote. Books and stories that most haven’t even heard of. So, the ideas and themes that are mere seeds in Dune appear to me as full-grown. At first I tried to dissociate those insights from the review and tried to look at it from the view of the first reading. Quite predictably that was impossible. So as you read this and say to yourself ‘Where the heck does The Goose get THAT from,’ remember that I am forced to draw my ideas from ALL that Herbert wrote.

Besides being concerned with society, culture, environment and science Herbert is most interested in Sentience. Where it derives from how it develops, how it is handicapped and finally what it is. At first glance (read) you might say ‘where is this dialectic or discussion?’ Dune is a story on a grand scale. An empire millennia in the future. An oppressed people. A commodity of vast value and importance. A noble family. The most nefarious villain we can imagine. A jihad on a galactic scale. Fantastic creatures of the desert called Sand Worms. But nowhere is there a theme, a concern with sentience!

And I ask you: “Are you sure?”

For all its concern with politics and revolution and culture, who are the people that drive this story? There are the Mentat. Humans trained, from infancy, to be smarter and faster than an XMP. Guild Navigators who, with their minds, drive the great highliners safely through the galaxy. Bene Gesserit, women who strive, study, and meditate to bring mind, body and soul into harmony. Finally, the mythical Kwizatz Haderach a man of such mental strength, such total consciousness that he can see the past in his mind’s eye and so doing glimpse the varied paths of the future.

And this universe created on the premise of the Butlerian Jihad. A jihad in which the old technocracy is overthrown and outlawed. A species’ epiphany when it discovers that machines (computers) are a crutch. ‘Thou shalt not build a machine in the likeness of the human mind.’

So I ask again, “are you sure Herbert isn’t concerned with intelligence, with the mind, with human sentience?” It isn’t overt and it isn’t the major strand of this work, but it is the major concern of his entire body of work, and it started here.

————–

Dune is a great adventure. Follow family Atreides from Caladan, to Arrakis-Dune, Desert Planet. A planet on the edge of civilization yet more important than the Emperor’s own.

Meet the Fremen, a wild, untamed people who have great integrity and courage. Discover the Harkonnens – a most despicable and treacherous enemy.

Let’s not forget the Bene Gesserit. Working behind the scenes on their own agenda for generations. Or the Guild Navigators, dependent on Melange not only to guide the ships through space but for their lives.

In the middle of all this, a young man named Paul.

————-

Dune was first published as three novellas: “Dune”, “Muad’Dib”, and “The Prophet” in 1965. Shortly thereafter it was bound into a single volume and promptly won both the Nebula and the Hugo; Science Fiction’s most prestigious awards.

If you want to read more about this world read the rest of the series: Dune Messiah, Children of Dune, God Emperor of Dune, Heretics of Dune, and Chapter House Dune.

For those of you feeling brave enough to challenge Goose on his ideas, check out these titles: Destination Void, and The Jesus Incident. These are not easy reads and more than likely you won’t like or understand them very well the first time. These are the books where Herbert tried to tackle sentience head-on. Not an easy task.

If you took Blind Monkey’s suggestion and read The Dosadi Experiment then follow Xorj X. McKie in Whipping Star and “The Careful Saboteur” a short story in the collection The Worlds of Frank Herbert.

Hardcover (December 1965) Tor Books; ISBN: 0312850581; Dimensions (in inches): 1.15 x 9.48 x 6.43

Reviewed by: The Blind Monkey

As many of you know, the Blind Monkey is predisposed to RIP writers with a lack of respect for the english language. Authors like Robin Cook or Clive Cussler, who try to pack punch into flimsy sentence structure by repeatedly going to the Thesaurus for more creative ways to express a point.

The problem is, so few writers truly posses the expanded vocabulary they are trying to pass off as natural in their work. So instead of focusing on gripping plots and believable and well-woven characters, they get caught up in using big fancy words they don’t understand with no regard for context or setting.

Unfortunately, it seems that this strategy of ‘sounding more intelligent than you really are’ is a successful (and obviously lucrative) attempt at impressing the high-paying publishers that promote books to the top of best-seller lists for the simple minded.

I find it depressing. And if you follow the Monkey’s reviews for any length of time, you will find that this is my number ONE complaint with many of the modern writers that we review here at BMR.

—————–

And then we have: Dean R. Koontz. Koontz has such a masterful command of the english language that anyone with an appreciation for how mind-numbingly difficult it is to construct an original sentence will have to periodically put down the pages to gape in awestruck wonder.

I am one of these sorry souls who recognizes that my chosen words never adequately express what I’m trying to say. And when I find a writer that can do this so effortlessly, so cleanly, I have to drop to my knees in a “Waynesque” manner to repeatedly chant “I’M NOT WORTHY!!”

—————–

To prove my point, let’s look at an example from his latest suspense thriller, Seize the Night.

Typical modern writers like Kellerman, Cornwell, or Patterson flagrantly use curse words and obscenities to express everything from anger to excitement to mild interest. Although this is a clear reflection of our times, Koontz achieves the same effect without ever uttering the offense:

“…I heard myself repeating the same four-letter word, as if I had been stricken by a terminal case of Tourette’s syndrome and would spend the rest of my life unable to stop shouting this single obscenity.”

His delivery is so much more clever and subtle that you will read these descriptive phases over and over for sheer entertainment.

Hardcover- 384 pages (December 29, 1998) Bantam Doubleday Dell Pub (Trd); ISBN: 0553106651; Dimensions (in inches): 1.30 x 9.32 x 6.09