How to Disappear Completely Without Really Trying, by Doug Richmond

Ever wanted to just go away? Leave your current life and move to another city and begin all over?

You can do it with the help of Doug Richmond’s How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found. I think he used to work for the Queen’s Secret Service (like 006+1 or something). Just Kidding! Seriously, if you’ve ever been hunted by the FBI or chased by stick-wielding rednecks whose sister you recently defiled (not that I would know about this one, mind you), this little attempt at misguided self help might come in handy.

Richmond tells us that a person need only change a few small details about themselves to completely mask their former persona. Weight loss, gait, facial hair (mostly for men Ö women should NEVER sport a goatee, sideburns or a moustache), hair color and clothing styles are the easiest and most effective ways to disguise oneself. Ok, so it isn’t that easy to change your gait (for those of you who are not nearly as mentally agile as I, gait means the way you walk), or so you think Ö imagine inserting a tack in the heel of your shoe and trying to walk normally with the constant little jabbing stick of the pointy end in the bottom of your foot. You WILL walk differently. Trust me. In my quest for excellence I researched this little tack-tic (get the word play?) and found that just the tip of the tack is enough to make people believe you are gimped up and, with the addition of a change of hair, growing a goatee and wearing three piece suits (of which Slappy owns NONE), no one will recognize you.

Well, other than your mother Ö they always know. But then again, this book is not intended for mothers; husbands who need to escape their controlling wives and criminals who need to escape the incredibly long arm of the law will get quite a bit of use from How To Disappear Completely and Never Be Found.

And of course, if you just want to fantasize of how you can gain another life, in another place, with other people, it offers a departure from the dismal and sedulous existence you have come to despise.

Smile, all Ö it isn’t that bad.

Paperback Carol Pub. edition (September 1994) Citadel Pr; ISBN: 0806515597; Dimensions (in inches): 0.33 x 8.23 x 5.39